Running into a New Year

sitting pretty

i am running into a new year
and the old years blow back
like a wind
that i catch in my hair
like strong fingers like
all my old promises and
it will be hard to let go
of what I said to myself
about myself
when i was sixteen
and twentysix and thirtysix
even thirtysix but
i am running into a new year
and i beg what i love and
i leave to forgive me

Written by: Lucille Clifton

This poem just strikes a cord so deep.
Lets make this next year one of the best!

Credits:
Pose Stool: Diesel Works @ Zodiac
Hair: Truth
Skin: Al Vulo - Jade
Eyes: Ikon
Jewelry: Cae - Enchanted
Dress: Cynful
Shoes: N Core

Concerned Bloggers – Suicide Awareness w/Possible Trigger warning

newyear

It’s another month, and another Concerned Bloggers topic. This month it’s Suicide Awareness. It’s not a light hearted topic and instead of weighing you down with facts or general advice (which you can find here – this website does a much better job: http://www.save.org/) I’ll give you a bit of a story of my own struggle with it.

The stuff below could be potential trigger warnings so please proceed with that in mind.

Ever since I can remember I’ve been dealing with depression and thoughts of suicide. There was that time in the Six Grade where I ate a bunch of things in my grandmothers medicine cabinet thinking that’s all it would take but luckily most of the things were vitamin and aspirin. In my teens and some of my twenties there was cutting, and other self harm things, which graduated to my first really serious attempt in December of 2005.

Things piled up on me one day in ways that I can look back and think are stupid now. It was really snowy that day and there were many reasons piling up on me that led me to that point but I remember not feeling like myself that day and I got up and packed a backpack not sure of where I was going to go and I rode the bus around not wanting to go home.

I stopped at a store and bought some Vodka and razor blades and I went and rented a hotel room with a large Jacuzzi.. only I had planned on using that room as my way to escape my life. I started to get drunk, really really drunk and I ran the water in this large tub and well my phone rang.. and it was my mom.

It freaked me out that she would call at that moment and I don’t remember what I said to her but she kept calling me and I didn’t know it but she called my friends and so I turned off my phone and got in the tub and started the cutting when I heard my friends banging down the door saying that they were going to get the cops if I didn’t open up, so after awhile I let them in.

They were obviously upset but thankful that I was alive and well after that they took me to the hospital where I spent the week before Christmas trying to get better. When I got out I didn’t feel any better but I was thankful for my friends and I made a few attempts to try and turn things around but It took two more attempts and being in the hospital two more times before it did.

Now I’m medicated for my depression and going to see a psychiatrist and therapist regularly and for the most part there is no wish to harm myself. I realize for the most part I was looking for someone else s attention, only I didn’t use my voice and say “Hey I need you, come over”

If you ever feel like you need to hurt yourself tell someone. If you don’t have anyone to tell – IM me in world if you want to talk about any of this – I wont judge you and I can keep a secret.

Point is if you feel this way, tell someone. The most recent attempt that I made was almost four years ago and it could have been fatal, I almost didn’t get a second chance, but seriously each moment with people that you love is a gift, and I am a survivor of myself for everything that I’ve put myself through.

It’s a new year, make it count.

Cotton Candy on a Rainy Day

bballerina

Don’t look now
I’m fading away
Into the gray of my mornings
Or the blues of every night

Is it that my nails
keep breaking
Or maybe the corn
on my second little piggy
Things keep popping out
on my face or of my life

It seems no matter how
I try I become more difficult
to hold
I am not an easy woman
to want

They have asked
the psychiatrists . . . psychologists . . .
politicians and social workers
What this decade will be
known for

There is no doubt . . . it is
loneliness

Written by Nikki Giovanni

Credits:
Pose: !bang
Boobs: Lola – Tangos
Body suit w/appliers – Deetailz
League skin with new League Tango appliers
Skirt (Part of the Inner Ballerina outfit): Nylon Outfitters
Eyes: Ikon
Arm Warmers: Gawk

Love Letters from Cae

love

My friend Caelan Hancroft of Cae has been a busy little bee, while I’ve sort have not felt much like blogging lately due to the holiday’s and such I’ve been lazy.

This Necklace called Love Letters was a gift to her group and it’s really quite amazing because of the hud. You can click it and pick your initial and yeah I’ve pretty much have never seen that in SL with a piece of Jewelry. I think that you can still join the group but there is a small fee and this is the second gift that I’ve gotten so in my opinion it is worth it.

I am also wearing Skin from Glam Affair in Amberly tone #7, eyes from Ikon and hair from Magika. Have a safe and happy New Years and go play in that snow!

Voyuer

vo

And.. yet another Holiday type outfit that I’ve put together from shopping at Baiastice! I don’t know what it is but I am really into Baiastice this season for holiday wear. The Mesh at Baiastice has really really gotten amazing.

The pants and halter are from Baiastice and the hair is brand new from Truth. My pose is from Adorkable, the necklace that I am wearing is from Cae and the earrings are from Mandala. My skin is the Amberly skin – Make up 7 from Glam Affair.

Happy Mayan Apocalypse day!

Pomona – Cae

cae2

Today is my Rez day, yup I’ve been in SL for the big SIX now. I’m not sure if I’m happy or sad about that.

But anyhow.. Caelan Hancroft of Cae has made this beautiful set called Pomona which is pictured above. The set comes in several different metals and I’m showing it in the Gold. You can see the full set here: http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Truth%20District/180/214/33 The let is absolutely to die for, and Caelan Hancroft of Cae makes beautiful and more importantly original mesh pieces that are so lovely.

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(Skin – Glam Affair “Amberly”
Hair Truth Hawks -
Eyes – Ikon -
Nails – Leverocci.)

Holiday Glam

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If you need a perfect dress for the holiday this is one of my first choices. Sissy Pessoa of Baiastice makes beautiful dresses and this is no exception. The details and texturing are brilliant and fancy enough for any holiday gala.

My hair is brand new from Truth and gorgeous. My jewelry is from Mandala and my shoes are from Celoe. The poses used in this post are from Adorkable.

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